IF YOU WERE IN DANGER OF LOSING YOUR $450,000 A YEAR JOB AND RAN A PUBLIC TV STATION YOU’D BE BEGGING FOR HELP, TOO. Q. My goodness, Dan Schmidt, head man of WTTW-TV seems really engrossed in the battle to save public television via congressional appropriations. His TV spot where he pleads for viewers to write their representatives is compelling. A. As well it should be. Fancy Dan is an ace at using taxpayer paid facilities…monies appropriated from the past year…to hustle for continuance of his estimated $450,000 a year salary. Don’t forget some of the money goes to pay Carol Marin who has two other highly paid media jobs already—political editor ofThe Sun-Timesand reporter forNBC-TV Channel 5. We’re so hard up for Lefty analysts and commentators…including CINO and anti-Catholic one who scorched a Catholic bishop for correcting renegade Pat Quinn on his fallacious theology…that we’ve got to triple-up. Just remember when you see her tossing her russet locks before the cameras in `60s schoolgirl fashion, you’ve got a hard-core pro-abort, pro-gay marriage propagandist there—and she has to pay her bills somehow: so what’s so bad about using taxpayers’ dollars in addition to her private swag? Q. Newt Gingrich and Wife No. 3 Callista are promoting the sanctity of marriage ala Catholicism in Iowa getting ready for the 2012 caucuses. A. Yes, it just seems like yesterday when Newt and his second wife Marianne were traveling the circuit looking fondly into each others’ eyes to sanctify marriage bliss. Then he met Callista while cheating on Marianne…and he met Marianne while cheating on Wife No. 1, Jackie. Now that he’s converted to Catholicism, Newt and Callista are the Catholic Couple of the Year (barf). But theologians ought to have a problem with this before it gets too far along, Catholic Callista was married to somebody else before she got involved with one-time Protestant Newt. Newt hit the sawdust trail and converted—but what is Callista’s Catholic status as a divorced and remarried member of that Faith whose theology inveighs against it? Anybody have the answer? Is he Catholic and she outside the fold? Q. Do you think Newt and Callista will make the sale with Catholics? A. I do not. At least not with me. I’ve been open to most considerations and have wavered between one and another. Now I’m coming to the denouement. Scratch Newt. Nor do I think we’re really for a cornball 5 o’clock shadow evangelical Baptist ex-Arkansas governor twanging a 3-stringed guitar. Or a 76-year-old baby doctor turned eccentric amateur economic quack who wants to end drug controls, allow his frenetic kid supporters to smoke pot, sever all U. S. intelligence operations, privatize highways, pull back defenses to Fortress America. Or an ex-Alaska governor whose largely unsupervised dancing daughter in hip-length mesh stockings who will likely get embroiled in another pregnancy just in time for the 2012 nominating convention. Or a prematurely orange-haired cuckoo tycoon who snarls “you’re fired” at trembling apprentices, brushes his hair forward to hide the receding hairline and eschews free trade in favor of stringent protectionism ala Ross Perot which will assuredly bring on a serious depression. Or an Indiana governor who wants to rule out social issues when he is president, when Dems forthrightly do not…unilateral disarmament—sawing off millions of religious voters and letting them float out to sea… …favoring end-of-life cutoff that is hardly a tad of difference from that of Barack Obama. Q. Or—who else? A. A corporatist ex-Massachusetts governor who’s been on all sides of most questions…pro-abort…pro-life…pro-gay…traditionalist…pro-Big Government health care…anti-Big Government health care….whose religious beliefs entitle him to a piece of property postmortem on a nearby planet. Q. Good God, man whom does this leave? A. The prospect of top-notch intellectuals and government experts farther back on the bench…some of whom have been governors in capsizingly difficult times…some who have become budgetary experts in the House.