Wednesday, February 15, 2006

As I Prepare to Go to Springfield for a Few Days, Let’s Look at the Funnies:

What Did Whittington Say on the Armstrong Ranch Just Before?

Hey, Dick, would you want to slip away with me and play “Brokeback Mountain?”

The Robot Barber’s Computerized Conversation with Customers.

A new hair-cutting machine suitable for barber shops has been introduced in Hartford, Connecticut—a robot barber equipped to cut your hair efficiently and even supply an unending stream of talk, peppered with friendly questions. To get it started conversationally, it must inquire about your IQ. At test market in a real barber shop the other day, it did remarkably well. The first customer was asked, “What is your IQ?” He answered, “well, I don’t want to boast but it’s 130.” The robot sat him down and began cutting his hair, opening up the subject with a few comments on Einstein’s theory of relativity. Haircut and conversational séance an unqualified success.

Second customer said his IQ was normal—100. Robot started cutting his hair and asked customer his views on chances for the White Sox to repeat next season. Another superb success.

Third customer admitted his IQ was below normal—78. Robot started cutting his hair and began by saying, “well, do you Democrats think you have a winner with Hillary?”

Surgical Success Stories—Applicable to Any Diocese. -.

At a recent high-level conference on surgery before student doctors at the Mayo Clinic, talks were made by surgeons who performed amazing feats. One told of how he replaced the eyes of a man who had lost his sight, grafting on the retinas from a dead person with the result that the man not only could see, scores 20-20 and has become a famed flight instructor.

The second reported on how he transferred an 8 –month fetus from the womb of a dead mother to another woman with the result that the baby was born normally and is getting good grades at an exclusive private elementary school. The third won the prize by telling how a young man was brought to him on the brink of death, and that to save his life the surgeon had to remove his spine, brain, guts, heart, testicles and backbone. That young man not only lived but was ordained a priest after winning honors at a leading seminary and is now an auxiliary bishop in a Roman Catholic diocese. slated for even bigger things.

How Many Bush Administration officials Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Answer: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it’s condition is improving every day. The rumor that it needs changing is attributable to the liberal media. Illuminating rooms is hard work. The light bulb has served honorably and the criticism you make undermines the work it is doing and is the best gift the terrorists could have.

Prurient Interest Ad Suitable for Valentine’s Day.

This ad was published in a newspaper’s Singles section.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good looking and love to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in a pickup, hunting, camping, fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I’ll be at the front door when you come home wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 555-6420 and ask for Susie. I’ll be waiting.

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever. (Men are so easy.)

For these I’m indebted to Now share your jokes with me!


  1. If you get the chance and I know you're busy, I'd be glad to buy you lunch or dinner while you visit Springfield. Consider it a thank you for your blog.

  2. Three men are ambling down the street. Two walk into a bar. The third one ducks.