Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Personal Asides: “Ultra” is Affixed Only to Conservatives…New Sex Scandal Produced: No Sex Please, We’re Cook County Young Republicans.

           Feast of St. John Vianney* 
    
                                Ne Plus Ultra of Political Cliches. 
            Capitol Fax I aver covers Illinois politics like a blanket: a partisan blanket to be sure but it does a good job.  However it regularly falls into the bias of describing any Republican who dares to veer from bland centrism as “ultra conservative.”  Hence Glenn Beck, who’s succeeded Rush as liberalism’s bete noir is an ultra-conservative and the Fax chides Tom Cross and Christine for hosting Beck. 
           Which leads me to say what the hell is it to Capitol Fax if they do?  Isn’t this supposed to be a publication that is geared to facts?  Second, what makes Beck an ultra-conservative?  Quick answer: It’s his stand on social issues which is not shared by Capitol Fax. 
            Now I’ll ask Capitol Fax a question.  Is there such a thing as an ultra-liberal?  Has Capitol Fax ever referred to any candidate as an ultra-liberal?  I’ll give you the answer because I’ve perused much of its archives.  No. There is no such thing in Capitol Fax’s lexicon as an ultra-liberal.  In contrast to Beck who opposes abortion and special rights for homosexuals and who is called by Capitol Fax an ultra-conservative…Lisa Madigan—their favorite—opposes everything Beck stands for and is termed just a Democrat.  As a matter of fact, I’ll ask Capitol Fax this:  
            Give me the name of an ultra-liberal candidate?
            Is it Jan Schakowsky?  Evidently not because she has never been called an ultra-liberal by Capitol Fax.  Her husband Bob Creamer?  Nope. 
             Another liberal who masquerades as a so-called “objective” journalist (although she’s a pretty good one despite her fatal liberal impediment) is Lynn Sweet of the Sun-Times.  I was on a radio show with her some years ago and she was reciting a litany of ultra-conservatives.  I asked her if she could name an ultra-liberal. 
           For the first time, she stalled.  Not surprising for one who in the past has contributed to the Daily Kos.  Couldn’t think of one.  The blood vessels stood out on her forehead as she thought. I waited.  We waited. Nothing came to her mind.   The host moved on to another topic. 
             When I saw her in Washington a week later, I stopped her and said: 
             “Lynn, does Ramsey Clark qualify?” 
            She said: Qualify for what? 
            “As an ultra-liberal.” 
            She stood there thinking and came to no conclusion but then I had to move on. 
           The challenge is still open to Capitol Fax.  Give me the name of a viable candidate…an Illinois Democrat—not just the far side of the Green Party…an Illinois elected Democrat…who’s an ultra-liberal. Com’on: Again: Jan Schakowsky?  I’ll bet you won’t…indeed can’t…because to you she’s not ultra. Barack Obama? Of  course not! 
           Of course the chiding Capitol Fax meted out to Cross and Rodogno for hosting an ultra-conservative was addressed in tones measured to sound helpful to them:  Dear me, guys, you have built reputations as moderate Republicans.  Why are you sullying your escutcheons so? But you don’t have to have just fallen off a turnip truck to ascertain the publication’s purpose.  The chiding was meant to shame them away from being united with their party’s conservative base on just one instance… for that might presage Republican victory. 
       . I say again: Capitol Fax is a superlative publication: I can’t exist without it.  But its partisanship is plain. It’s written in a way that sounds like it conveys the journalistic ethos with an “inside” the newsroom  patter…and I must say knowing reporters it probably does it accurately.   
               But the paper’s use of the word “ultra” applied to only one political view is the giveaway.  
                                   Republican Sex. 
               A blog that started up advocating Hillary Clinton for president and continues has invented a new kinky sexual sin…one which may soon be taken up by porno studios and X-rated Hollywood film factories.  No it is not sexual relations.  Nor deviant sex.  But it is guaranteed to drive strong men with normal sex drives mad.  It doesn’t involved being unclothed. Or drunk.  Or high on weeds. 
              Essentially it is this: You take a woman up to your apartment and sit on her lap when she wants to call a cab top get out of there.  That’s it.  Sickening isn’t it? 
              That’s what the executive director of the Cook county Republican party was accused of doing.   In a city filled with street-walkers…slab-faced men in overcoats (even in this hot weather) perusing their reading in “Adult Bookstores”…gay bars dedicated to the lascivious pursuit of long forbidden mutual pleasures…straight bars where old men click glasses with voluptuous young women whom they introduce as their nieces…the carnal act of …Lord I cannot fathom it…sitting fully clothed on a woman’s lap when she wants to call a cab…is simply outrageous. 
              It was enough to secure a big story in the Huffington Post.  Obvviously Arianna Huffington is shocked that something so perverted could invade the precincts of politics and be harbored in the Cook county Republican Party! 
           I ask you: What’s next? I advise those Catholic men who try this awful carnal act to go immediately to confession.  St. Peter’s in the Loop has confessionals open from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m., staffed with Franciscan priests who by now have heard almost everything.   
           Almost—but not this. 
           Imagine the penitent. 
          HE: Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It is—oh two weeks since my last confession. 
          PRIEST:  Go ahead, my son. 
         HE: I don’t know how to say this, Father. 
        PRIEST:  Go ahead, my son.  Only I and God can hear. 
        HE:  i-i-i-…er 
        PRIEST:  Yes? 
        HE:  I…sat…on…a…girl’s…lap…and interfered for a time with her calling a cab. 
        PRIEST: Were you er--. 
        HE:  I was fully clothed. 
        PRIEST:  Was she—er.. 
        HE:  Fully clothed as well. 
        PRIEST:  I take it this was the beginning. What happened, my son? 
        HE:  What happened? 
        PRIEST:  Yes, my son.  What happened? 
       HE: Well for a time she couldn’t call a cab. 
        PRIEST:  And--?  
       HE:  That’s it. Finally I got off her lap and she called a cab and went home. 
       PRIEST: That’s it.  All of it?  You mean--. 
       HE:  I mean that’s it.  Nothing else.  
        PRIEST:  Just a minute, my son. I am going to open the door on my side of this Confessional and step outside.   I’ll be back in a minute. 
        HE:  Okay. 
        PRIEST: ATTENTION! IS THERE A JANITOR AROUND HERE TO SHOW THIS GUY OUT OF MY CONFESSIONAL?  OH, THERE HE IS!  JANITOR, I’VE GOT A RAVING…NO, WHISPERING…NUT HERE.  KINDLY TAKE HIM BY THE ARM AND LEAD HIM TO THE LITERATURE RACK.  GIVE HIM THE BOOKLET THAT EXPLAINS THE NATURE OF CARNALITY AND TELL HIM THAT IF AND WHEN HE COMMITS THE SINS DESCRIBED, HE SHOULD COME BACK HERE…  WILL YOU PLEASE?   
    ______________________________________________________ 
      *: St. John Vianney, the Cure of Ars [1785-1859].  Jean-Baptiste Vianney was born on his father’s farm near Lyons and spent most of his boyhood as a shepherd and received little formal schooling. At the age of 20 he began studying for the priesthood—studies that were interrupted by his being drafted in the military (these were the years of the French Revolution). Like many others, he deserted and continued his studies in secret until the amnesty of 1810. He was admitted to the seminary at Verrieres but found his studies very difficult, especially the study of Latin.  However he was ordained in 1815 because his superior said the Church needed not just bright men as priests but also men who were not bright but especially devout.   
          Originally accepted as a simple soul at two parishes and as a curate at Ars, France, he nevertheless gained a reputation as a preacher stressing simple virtues and confessor. Word of his sanctity grew and many hundreds lined up to have him hear their confessions because his counsel was so wise and his words so devout. Thus he lived in this simple way—no martyrdom or heroic actions but a lifetime spent in the love of God.  As he entered middle age he would preach every day at 11 a.m. and spend 12 hours in the confessional.  Later the time spent in the confessional extended to 18 hours.  Worn out by his labors and the crowd that begged him to advise them in the confessional and out, he died at age 73 exhausted by his labors.
       

2 comments:

  1. This ultra-what approach is good. I googled ultra once conservative and once liberal and found wide, wide difference in favor of conservative. A variation is to ask someone who balks at being called socialist what it is about socialism she does not like. Long pause ensues. Another: what about liberal and why do you prefer progressive? Etc. There's fun to be had.

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  2. Thanks for clearing up the YR matter.

    If it were my daughter being sat-upon, however, the YR in question might never have children naturally...

    Either she or I, or one of her brothers, would see to that.

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