Thoughts While Shaving: O. J. Berkowitz Has Fun With Fiction…This Just In: Brady Names Jefferson as Author of the Constitution!

          Feast of Sts.Faustinus and Jovita, Martyrs.* 

        

                            Fiction and Fact with OJ’s Almanac. 

        Jeff O. J. [Objective Journalist] Berkowitz who stresses constantly that he is solely an objective journalist [“just the facts: all I want are the facts”]…announced Saturday on theTribune blog his pal and ideological soul-mate  Eric Zorn so warmly welcomed him to… that he (Berkowitz) got possession of Jason Plummer’s “job application” to become the Republican candidate for lieutenant governor.  The story quotes Plummer and goes on and on. It was headlined straight in such major news and clip  roundups as Dave Diersen’s because there was no disclaimer from Berkowitz for a day…while readers were misled. It was obviously written to appeal to his newfound editors at the Tribune blog whose views about social conservatives equate with Berkowitz’s.  

         So this was to be a romance made in heaven between OJ and the Trib blog managers.  

         But he didn’t tie a clear disclaimer to the fable at first. For a long while the fable ran as strict fact.  Yikes!  

         So… 

         …Sunday the poor man’s Dan Rather came clean.  He’d rather be a Big Foot in  journalism than occupy the lowly estate of what he has to put up with, tied to a single Access TV camera. He’d rather be a network anchor as in “and here’s the CBS Evening News coverage of side-splitting fiction and fact with O. J. Berkowitz’s almanac! Sadly, this mischievous trick played with the truth on poor Plummer may delay the Resurrection of Jeff (OJ) Berkowitz.  His scoop-possession of Plummer’s “application” was a fantasy.   

         I’m sure the Trib appreciates OJ’s sense of humor.  It’s newly discovered.  I hadn’t seen it until now but he is bound to go BIG TIME with pranks like this. .     

         In fact, I told him earlier he was on my show because he had a flair for political analysis. . But I was wrong.   Now we know he’s not even an analyst but a comedian. A humorous satirist of the news. Anything but an objective journalist. I should have realized he has a talent for humor because right after he leaves speeches…like at the City Club… and news conferences… carrying his brownie-style TV camera…observers double up with laughter.  

        Possibly coming soon: O.J. Berkowitz’s cameo spot on The Daily Show where knowing him, he’ll soon be inquiring about the health of Jon Stewart.  

                                History-Making Brady.
 

          Bloomington’s Bill Brady’s  minions are pressuring Kirk Dillard to concede the election before all the votes are counted.  We’ve got to hurry up, they say, because time’s a-wasting. Our Feb. 2 primary was the first in the nation and the general election’s not until November so com’on, Dillard, throw in the towel!  Well, sensibly, Dillard’s not doing anything of the sort until the complete tabulation.   But impatience has seized Brady who has been practicing the nominee mode—speaking as if he is the nominee. 

          Understandably, then, the media has been thinking of him as if he is   the nominee.  Example: They asked what he thinks of  his…purported…27-year-old running-mate Jason Plummer.  Is Plummer too young, too inexperienced?  

          Rising to the occasion as Expectant Nominee,  Brady had a clear-cut answer. 

        Plummer, he said, is the same age as Thomas Jefferson was when Jefferson wrote the U. S,. Constitution.  

       God this year is going to be a riot. 

       Of course what Jefferson wrote was the Declaration in 1776 when he was 33. He had nothing to do with writing the Constitution.  

        The Constitution wasn’t enacted until 1787 and Jefferson was nowhere to be found as he was Minister to France that year.  

          Now let’s all pray to the Great God Above that sufficient votes will be found to nominate Dillard.  And leave Brady to recount to students how Eli Whitney sailed the cotton gin down the Mississippi.     

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   *: Sts. Faustinus and Jovita, [circa: AD 100]. They were brothers, natives of Brescia, located halfway between Milan and Venice, who, legend says, preached Catholicism fearlessly while their bishop was in hiding (sound familiar?).  Their preaching excited animosity by a heathen lord named Julian. They were tortured and dragged to Milan, Rome and Naples, put on exhibit for the jeers of the crowds, and returned to Brescia. 

       There the Emperor Hadrian who was staying for a short time in Brescia brought them to the Circus and ordered the gates opened for wild animals to devour them. The animals wouldn’t touch them and an aide to Hadrian, a court official and pagan, Calocerus, was mightily impressed—but Hadrian was not impressed and ordered them to be beheaded—which they were.  But their example stayed with Calocerus who asked to enter the Church and was baptized by the bishop, Apollonius—not the one in hiding but another one..  Moved by the example of Faustinus and Jovita, Calocerus took up their work and before he was through, as result of his persuasion and the witness of Faustinus and Jovita, 12,000 were baptized by Bishop Apollonius.   

        Then Calocerus himself was arrested.  He was visited in jail by a man named Secundus whom Calocerus instructed in the Faith. Then Calocerus was  beheaded—becoming St. Calocerus. The man he instructed in jail took up the evangelization, was martyred and was canonized as St. Secundas. All of this happened as result of the great example of Sts.Faustinus and Jovita. They are the patrons of the city of Brescia which claims to possess their relics.