Go Ahead, Hate Kirk Even During “The Holidays [sic].”
Parodying a popular politically correct syndicated Illinois columnist and blogger:
I try not to hate. Hating is bad for your health. Besides, the holiday season [sic] has officially begun so it’s wise to put off hating until after New Year’s.
What’s all this mishmash about hate?
He’s referring to Mark Kirk. It’s the frenetic reaction of anger and denial to Rep. Mark Kirk who used to be a liberal Republican darling: someone who accommodated the columnist’s hotly attested liberalism.
My guess is that these things upset the local columnist so much he bites his lip to refrain from hating:
The old Kirk was resolutely pro-abort: well, he still is but he’s now courting pro-lifer Sarah Palin for an endorsement.
The old Kirk was pro-gun control. There’s very little mention of that issue in the new Kirk’s approach.
The old Kirk voted for Cap and Trade. Now the revelation that tons of e-mails show fraud and cooked books has evidently helped cause a change in Kirk.
The old Kirk boasted about his military expertise, then headed a House caucus to oppose George W. Bush’s surge. The now Kirk is now full of fight, proclaiming we must win in Afghanistan, the war that Barack Obama once called “the right war.”
The old Kirk kept talking about federalized health care. The new Kirk takes a look at the polls and sees that Obama’s health care plan is opposed by a majority.
The old Kirk didn’t seem to dabble in the issue of where terrorists are tried. The new Kirk absolutely hates the idea that terrorists will be tried in a civil federal court where they can make use of American constitutional guarantees that they are sworn as fanatics to overthrow.
The old Kirk didn’t seem to care where terrorists are incarcerated. The new Kirk absolutely despises the idea that they will be likely held at Thomson.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not going to vote for either Kirk, old or new. But I’m amused at the columnist who is in denial and vowing not to hate Kirk because he does not want to face the changes that are coming to the system—even likely in deep hued blue Illinois (which will likely become purplish next year). What gets our man steaming is not that Mark Kirk is acting like a wind-sock…which he is and which he reflected as the congressman of the liberal 10th. What gets our liberal syndicated local politically correct columnist and blogger mad to the point of having to confess he must fend off hate is that he’s immersed in denial. His comfortable Squid world is changing before his eyes. All those nice liberal nostrums…a quick pullout from Iraq…a speedy resolution in Afghanistan…global warming…the lovely possibility of encasing of 1/6th of the economy that is health care into a government program… “gun control” as an absolute which absolves human beings of responsibility for carnage…
…the lovely thought that once a liberal president apologizes for U.S. policy in Iran hasn’t stanched the Iranians’ determination to build a nuclear bomb…the soft view that Obama groveling in his Ankara speech didn’t win friends in Turkey…the code word Obama sent to the Arabs that he’s with them against Israel emotionally failed to turn around the hated of those in Palestinian territories where only 15% have a favorable view of the U.S. and 87% an unfavorable…the blunt truth that in Pakistan un-favorables have risen to 68% this year despite all the apologies the Messiah has made…the deep bow—so deep that Obama almost fell over on his head—to the Japanese emperor has not changed Japanese attitudes of skepticism with 57% queasiness over U.S. constancy…the forthcoming decision that we’ll reinforce the troops in Afghanistan just as Bush would have done—but without the will to win: “end the war” is the mantra now, isn’t it?...the discomfiture of Michael Moore…the discomfiture of The New York Times editorial yesterday that said the Messiah is listening not to experts but to of all people Rahm Emanuel on the Middle East.
These are the things, I submit, that make our columnist friend say he will strive not to hate Mark Kirk.
But to him I say: Go ahead. You can hate Kirk. It’s good for you. Join us. Even during, as you so delicately put it “the holidays [sic].” Bear down, let that pent up emotion out: you have the right to hate Kirk and we understand you’ve picked him out as scapegoat since he has betrayed your fatuity that caused you to believe he shared your convictions. Wrongo. Kirk believes nothing. That realization makes you share my view of him doesn’t it? That’s why you’re boiling, isn’t it?
In truth, Kirk’s departure makes you feel all the more alone. That’s why you strive not to hate him. Well let it go. Pull out the stops. Hate him for being a weasel. He is. Say it and you’ll feel better.
Anyhow, get used to it, brother. 2010 is going to send you to such frustrated compulsion not to hate that you may get sick and I wouldn’t want that to happen because you churn out the best largely Democratic news going. So step up and let that hate spew out… even during what you call “the holidays”—Easter…oh I’m sorry: I meant: the Spring solstice.
Spring solstice, of course.
“Did He Who Made the Lamb Make Thee?”
And my advice to Tiger is to let it all hang out like David Letterman did. He had a lot more to confess than you. He turned his studio office into a near bordello. He’s also a liberal snot, looking down his nose at the crass multitude. You? You’ve got a much easier job. You only fooled around with her for a one-nighter…or maybe two. Three? Okay four in Australia. Book a news conference, become a man and tell the world that your wife whacked you with a 5-iron. Whacked you so hard you had a small concussion. Apologize to your kids at the same time. Then go out to your golf tournament, play well and forget it.
And don’t let that hook--er…get you down. What ever you do, don’t pay her. How can she afford a top-billed lawyer like Gloria Allred? Allred costs more per hour than her client, Tiger. She also has a professional’s grip on the media. Watch out.
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